Transitional Space

quote-any-transition-serious-enough-to-alter-your-definition-of-self-will-require-not-just-small-martha-beck-281201I’ve had something on my mind for the past few weeks. I knew it was something that I wanted to blog but could not figure out the right configuration of words to express the thoughts floating around in my head. That is until a really good friend of mine asked me the perfect question, “has the transition to fiancé been difficult?” For whatever reason that magical string of words allowed me to finally convey what had been swirling around in my mind.

Has the transition from girlfriend to fiancé been hard? No, not hard. Hard isn’t the right word. I’d say it’s been unexpected. You always know that things are going to change when you become a wife. What you don’t realize or at least what I didn’t realize is the shift in my way of thinking would occur the moment I said yes, slid that ring on my finger, and become a fiancé. It doesn’t just magically happen the morning after you’ve exchanged your vows. Which I guess is how I thought it would happen.

Getting engaged, seeing the ring on my finger, constantly planning and talking about wedding details made me realize that marriage was no longer something in my mind, a figment of my imagination, or some far off desire I’d wished to have one day. It’s a fast approaching reality. Something that’s coming to pass soon! It also caused me to reflect on the weight of my decision. The fact that this is the person I am embarking on the remainder of my life’s journey with and at some point hope to start my lineage with. Take a moment and think about that. Heavy right?  

I also started revisiting past conversations that were just that, conversation, about each other’s expectation of a husband/wife. Once I said “yes” to that proposal something in me shifted. I didn’t want to wait until after the wedding to change. I wanted to start becoming the best version of myself for us right then, before the wedding. I want to make sure I’m putting into action all (or most) points made in previous conversations on the subject. All of that recalling takes effort and commitment. The most challenging transition so far has been learning to step back and let my fiancé lead. It’s easier said than done. My belief is the man is the leader of the family, household, etc. HOWEVER after being your own life steward for 31 years, it’s hard to relinquish some of that authority no matter how much you love and trust someone.

WHEW! Seems like alot to not even be married yet right? For the record I agree, however the commitment of marriage is alot of work and for me it doesn’t start after you say “I do”. It starts the moment you say “yes”.

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